So, its Boxing Day and I’m restless, I might not look it but I can feel it. Like I know there is so much I can be doing (for the challenge but also general life admin) but I’m forcing myself to stop. It feels like I’m physically pushing my insatiable need to be doing something deep down and forcing a perception of calm upon myself. But at the same time, I’m tired, like I’m properly decompressing from a busy couple of months; I definitely don’t yet feel refreshed.

I foolishly wrote a ‘to do list’ (I thought this would help me to relax – idiot) which has just caused me more anxiety as I am already worried that this week will fly by.. I would still rather have one though because blank space terrifies me. My fear is that, if I fail next year, I will blame myself for all of the down time that I didn’t exploit. I am aware this is ridiculous.

Another thing that stressed me out last week was that my first challenge has changed already. The race organisers have changed the date of the race (and not for covid reasons!) so flights, accommodation, hire car, all need to be rearranged, not ideal! I actually had to ignore the email for a few days because it got me a little down (I had felt so organised!). Breathe Jen, it’s fine, you managed to get most of the money back and you will rearrange, no stress. Persevere, as you said you would through any and all setbacks. If necessary, the first challenge will move to February, when travel restrictions might ease a little to make it all a bit less of a hassle. Honestly, I think the logistics of this year long challenge might just be harder than the events themselves.

Small vent over, it has been a good Christmas in general and 2022 is excitingly just around the corner. One friend suggested recently that I was approaching 2022 with vengeance – I liked the sound of that, so 2022, I am 100% coming for you.

Coincidently Secret Santa was very thoughtful this year (thankyou whichever friend that was!). He/she provided me with Humphrey and Hughes’s High Performance book. Normally I am pessimistic about these books but I’m one lesson in and, for the first time ever, I am actually doing the exercises. Honestly the timing couldn’t be more perfect. The lesson is to write a Zander letter. A Zander letter is where you place yourself in the future and report back on the insights and milestones you attain over a year. The idea being that you remove the barriers to achievement and transform your performance. I definitely need this because I can already sense the impending doom of failure and unworthiness creeping up on me. So here goes…

Dear Jennifer (I’m being serious so it’s Jennifer), you have just had the most incredible year. Putting it simply 2022 rocked.

First of all, you completed all of your challenges because you never gave up. Even when your muscles cramped or the cold set in.  Nor did you give up when the vertigo gripped you or altitude sickness threatened to claim you, or when your head was pounding from the desert heat and the blisters threatened to cripple you. You found a way to dig deeper and carry on. The success of each challenge spurred you on to the next. The support from your friends and family was the life line that kept you going, either by them shoving bananas in your face in the middle of the night along a boggy canal or emotionally though messages of support as you strapped your feet up for another day of running.

You also massively promoted the Veterans Foundation, all of the good work they do supporting the service community, and raised a sh*t tonne of money. The fundraising burden and stress was real but you pushed on and didn’t let the fear get you down. The challenges were hard enough, people did understand why you were doing it and why they should support the VF; because you were clear in your messaging and unfailingly passionate about the cause. If you ever doubted why you were doing this, or if you truly believed in the worthiness of this cause, you quickly slapped yourself back into focus and moved on. Most importantly, that fundraising money has started changing lives.

You also had some smaller wins. For example, you managed your love/hate relationship with social media, by not being a slave to it. Discipline was key. You used it to create connections and promote the challenge, but you didn’t watch endless reels of poor-quality drama and cats doing weird stuff.  You also continued to reach out to people and organisations for donations and sponsorship. You stopped feeling bad for asking, you managed the feelings of awkwardness you used to get from approaching people. You knew you had to be bold and fearless, if they didn’t want to donate or sponsor, they didn’t, but think of all the people you did ask who did and ultimately all of the lives their donations will go on to improve. You realised that this was not about you, that your awkwardness was irrelevant, there was a bigger picture.

You successfully became a veteran yourself (although you managed to get the reservist job you wanted because you want to continue to give back to the military). The fear of finding a civilian job did not get in the way of the challenges and you kept your mind, and your options, open throughout the year; exposing yourself to as many opportunities as possible whilst sticking to your guns that the main focus was the fundraising and not starting a new career. You were supported, and you supported, other Veterans going through a similar experience to you.

Most importantly you enjoyed it and looked after your own mental health. It would have been so easy not to look after yourself. To throw yourself at the year to such a degree that you lost track of your own mental wellbeing, burning out and entering an endless negative spiral. You had your low moments, you cried once or twice maybe when you were feeling low, but you used them as moments of release, knowing that afterwards you would redirect that energy into the next hurdle. And you reached out for help when you needed it, whether that was a useful contact to help sort out a logistical problem or a friend/ coach/ therapist to help you work through a mental barrier. Again, it would have been so easy to try and do this completely alone, you remembered that people wanted to help, that they had offered to help, right back at the start. You didn’t feel awkward calling on that help.

Jen, you nailed it

p.s. I really hope that when I read this next year I don’t cringe…

Like what you’re reading? Feel free to buy me a coffee or tea! https://ko-fi.com/jennevolve