I saw a quote from a friend of a friend recently that I really liked.

“A nice car and a big house are old status symbols. The ultimate flex is freedom”

Whether that’s location, financial or time, I’m totally onboard with this.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s very easy to make this statement when you’re a super successful, self-employed single business woman (not referring to myself!).

But I do agree that the old model is dated. It puts a lot of pressure on young people who live in a world where the cost of living is increasing and the property market can be totally unattainable. It is also black and white; success is a business suit, family car and house in the country.

These things represent hard work and dedication and are, for sure, symbols of success but, unsurprisingly, given my current position, it doesn’t interest me at all right now. Yet I still feel the pressure, as I leave the military, to get onto this path straight away.

There is also security in the old model; it’s a well-trodden path, follow the formulae and you will have a safe and comfortable life. And who wouldn’t want those things?

I think my angle is that we live a long time now; excluding the possibility of being hit by the proverbial bus, I could live to 100. If that happens then, right now, I am only 1 third of the way through life and of those 30 years, only about 10 have really been on my own terms as an adult. I’ve got decades of adulthood to both explore life and the world, as well as contribute to society and potentially have a family, so perhaps we don’t need to rush? Perhaps success can also be maximising your youth and vitality, exploring the world and your own abilities, at your own pace, on your own terms, perhaps it’s freedom.

I’m not saying don’t settle down, don’t have kids (but let’s be honest the little buggers are freedom killers), or don’t build the house of your dreams. These are all the result of living successfully, and I want them someday too, but I don’t think these are the only things that mean a person has been or is successful.

I’m also not saying sell everything! move to Indonesia to work remotely out of a bamboo hut, grow your hair into dreads, surround yourself with healing crystals and adopt a sea turtle (unless that would make you infinitely happy of course).

I’m saying take a step back and just check to see if what you are working your ass off towards is the kind of success you will personally value, and not one built on other people’s expectations.

Personally, I think it takes incredible courage to stray away from the beaten path and value your freedom over everything else.

I was very fortunate to be able to speak to officer cadets from Cambridge and East Midlands university on Tuesday night. This was something I had wanted to do right from the beginning but hadn’t yet managed to achieve. Part of that was due to the timing of the academic year but I know for a fact it was also because I was subconsciously putting it off. 

One of the reasons was that building an exciting presentation and applying my brain in that way felt like a mammoth task.  My relatively disciplined brain just didn’t seem to want to do the sitting down and thinking bit. 

The other reason was because I wasn’t sure what I was really offering. Why would they want to hear from me?! I was saying the things out loud that I thought were correct (to inspire, and encourage) but I’m not sure I actually believed that could be me.

And so I didn’t pursue it in earnest until now (in hindsight it’s the perfect time with 8 challenges down!)

Even driving towards the cadet unit I suddenly thought, what am I doing? Who am I to impose my opinion on these young guys and girls? I had to keep reminding myself that I have 10-12 years of life experience that is probably highly relevant to students like those who join adventurous clubs like the OTC. But I still didn’t quite believe it.

I’m not a nervous person, but the nerves seem to get to me minutes before I speak on this subject (I even felt it a bit at my junior school!). I can get through but it’s not something I’m used to having to try and manage. I find it frustrating as I’ve stood up in front of many officers and soldiers before and delivered briefs confidently, and without a second thought. 

I realised the difference here is that I’m talking about myself and I’m letting imposter syndrome take over. Maybe they’ll think what I have to say is a load of crap! Maybe they won’t get it? Maybe the military staff will be thinking – here’s another officer off on one!

So despite practicing (and nailing it) just before I arrived, I believe I started a little clunky. The IT also played havoc with my videos a bit which threw me off slightly, but I got going, and it started to feel better. 

I think most people naturally feed off the audience when they speak, I definitely do, so when there were a few giggles and a few positive interactions, I was able to relax. And, to my surprise, the clap at the end was brilliant, with a few of the cadets even standing up to applaud my efforts. I was not expecting this.

There had also been 30 minutes of uninterrupted questions at the end of my talk. This, the staff assured me, was a great indication the talk had gone down well.

Post event I was slightly mobbed (in a lovely way) by the cadets; one of the guys asked me if I reckoned he could run Hadrians wall in 1 day (I said go for it! – obvs!) another asked for a photo, and another asked if he could join me on the next challenge (obviously I said yes to that too!)

It was such a lovely feeling when so many of them came over to thank me that suddenly it felt totally worth it. 

Reflecting it on the car journey back I realised that recently I had started to devalue what I have been doing, that I had stopped seeing it as anything amazing. I’d half expected the cadets in the room to have done some of these challenges (to which they all scoffed) because I no longer see them as extraordinary (I’m not sure I ever have). I had completely lost perspective on what I am doing, how I can use it to inspire, and what lessons of value I might have to share. 

I like to think that I was able to give to those students by planting the seeds of adventure, raising the bar of life experiences for them, and offering advice on resilience, perseverance and determination, but I also got so much out of the experience myself (not least some learning points for public speaking!).

Gaining some fresh perspective has allowed me to realign and re-motivate myself. This is an especially powerful feeling after dealing with two challenge cancellations (both of which I managed/ am managing to overcome) and at the point (two thirds through) where it’s very easy for motivation to drop off.

So yesterday (while the enthusiasm was high and imposter syndrome temporarily crushed) I sent out a stream of emails to other OTCs and booked myself onto a corporate team day as the motivational speaker!

It feels good to trust in what I am doing and what I have to offer. You should trust in what you have to offer too.

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