This journey has taught me a lot about myself. Sometimes I have been pleased with the lesson, sometimes less so, and sometimes I have been left totally confused. One of these confused lessons is whether, going forward, I am better suited to a ‘normal’ job or the self-employed ‘where the wind blows me’ type of employment. If you had asked me 8 months ago what I would have said? I would have chosen the later without taking a breath. But now? I am not so certain.

Putting the 12 adventures aside (I know it’s hard but there is more to this than a lot of running), the fundraising work has been a full time job. The first self-employed job I have ever had; one where success is directly related to the amount of energy that I personally put in and one that isn’t even paying me!

This is in acute contrast to the last 10 years of my life. We joke about being indoctrinated in the military but I really am very good at being told what to do, working to a superior and not walking on the grass (a surprisingly perfect analogy for not wanting to break the rules, however stupid). I was paid no matter my output and, even better than that, sometimes I got paid to do nothing! (This was rare but shouldn’t be snubbed – if the Army is not busy, it probably means there’s less war going on……).

Of course, the military throws in quite a lot of curve balls; overseas deployments and long, often boring exercises on Salisbury plain (potentially sat in a broken armoured vehicle in the pissing rain with a bunch of grumpy soldiers). That aside, more often than not the day to day jogging is pretty 9 – 5; there is a very clear hierarchy, a strict schedule and, comfortingly, a limit of exploitation. For 9 years I revelled in having this structure and a clear path ahead of me, I think most humans do.

Comparing that to being in the driving seat of this project and I am now contemplating the pros and cons of the two major types of ‘making a living’ that I think are now open to me. (This also coincides with the imminent end of the project and the need to start earning again!)

Do I prefer the comfort of a clear structure, hierarchy, career path and regular (healthy) income, or do I prefer the freedom, flexibility and untapped potential I might get from an alternative career?

With a 9-5 job you get to finish at 5 (or whatever time you are contracted – it’s just an analogy!), and mostly this means you can leave your work right there, at work. You can then unabashedly allow yourself to relax, procrastinate or go out for guilt free drinks with friends and colleagues (or you can fester in your underpants in front of the TV until bedtime, I’m onboard with that occasionally too).  With a 9-5 there are normally clear guidelines, a clear goal, and resources at your fingertips. Even if you don’t really have a passion for your output, these factors can lead to contentment; your job is just your job and it feeds the life you have outside. The downsides, from my perspective, are that you can’t necessarily choose your boss or your team mates, you can’t achieve maximum flexibility in your life and often there’s a fair amount of bullshit. At its worse, a lack of passion drains you of energy so you no longer enjoy life – but that is quite extreme.

Alternatively, a self-employed, self-driven job offers you all of that; the freedom to choose who you work with, where you work and when. If you want to spa at 11am on a Wednesday, you can! The downsides are that it can be lonely, you need a limitless bucket of motivation and you never really stop. This is the bit that has come to light recently for me. The more I dive into this project, the more I feel like the possibilities for expansion and growth seem limitless. It is exhausting, and I think potentially dangerous; I can’t remember when I last stopped at 5pm. For sure, I probably procrastinated in the morning by walking the dog or going for a run, but I will then go on to work right up until bedtime. It feels like there is this constant pressure hanging over me to keep brainstorming ideas, to keep plugging away. Sometimes I can ignore the pressure but often it feels like I am taking 3 steps forward, 2 back; the list keeps growing. I make progress but have, at times, felt overwhelmed.

Obviously this is self-induced, and perhaps those of you that are self-employed are much more disciplined with your time and energy. However, I believe when you are truly passionate about something, it can take over your life.

Despite this I’m pretty certain that freedom and flexibility are still winning, just, but the draw of the 9-5 is there. I think perhaps I will know nearer the end of the 12 challenges (no doubt directly linked to my remaining energy levels!) Or maybe I will get lucky and find a hybrid model to pursue!

Perhaps you have experience of both and can offer me advice? If so fire away!

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